Chapter 718 Disillusion

I know this is a question that Chu Yuan could not avoid in the end and an answer that I was destined to face, but I would never have thought that this shy girl would condense the answer to this question into three words with such impact.

My heart was pulled into a thin line, intertwined and tangled, making a mess, so that I could hide my mind and no longer find it. I could feel the stiffness of my facial muscles and the corners of my mouth that were barely raised upwards, and a twitching smirk, "Brother has known it for a long time, you like it..."

"It's not like, it's love!" Chu Yuan's emphasis this time was loud, but then the voice fell rapidly like a mountain skiing. "You say 'not like' is different from 'hate', then I say 'like' is different from 'love'. I don't like Cheng Liusu because I like you, I hate Cheng Liusu because I... love you..."

"You little girl, you know what is like and what is love?"

"I know! Like is a hidden love, love is a hidden love!" Chu Yuan's lips were trembling, her eyelashes were trembling, her body was trembling, and her voice was trembling, but she still torpedoed up all the courage, looked into my eyes, and said, "I have wanted to tell you for a long time. I have wanted to tell you since I was very young, but I don't know why I always want to hide it. After you graduated from college, I regretted it to death. I can't remember it anymore, and I don't want to remember how I survived that year. I can't stand such days. I look forward to studying every day.

The school was moved, and finally waited for that day. I became the only person who had no complaints or complaints. I mustered up the courage to tell my parents that I would move in with you. I did it. I thought this was the opportunity for God to make up for me. I began to learn to be brave, but I never knew how to hide it and how to tell you what I was thinking. Until now - I don’t have to worry anymore, because you already know, I still want to hide it, but I can no longer hide it, so I can finally make sure... it is love, no longer like!"

A lightning bolt tore the sky above her head, and a thunder blew up in the crack. This was what Chu Yuan was most afraid of, but at this moment, she didn't respond at all, so I knew that what she was even more afraid of was my answer...

Perhaps Chu Yuan felt that she had expected the answer, so she grabbed my hand tightly and refused to let go.

Maybe I also felt that I had known the answer long ago, so I agreed to her request without hesitation.

But, we were all wrong.

It's love, no longer like... When this sentence was poured into my ears with the thunder, I suddenly realized that the secular moral vision was not as penetrating as I imagined, and the shackles of ethical principles were not as heavy as I imagined. The penetrating one was the sound of Chu Yuan's heart shattering. What made me feel was her heart-wrenching sadness.

I smiled, a little panic, a little vanity, a little bitterness, a little sweetness...

It only took a moment to be shocked to calm down. What surprised me was not why calm down, but why I was shocked - when I saw Xiaoyatou's novel... No, before I saw Xiaoyatou's novel, Chu Nan, didn't you discover everything?

"You can laugh," the simple Chu Yuan couldn't see through the complicated me. She bit her bloodless lower lip, resisted not to let herself lose to fear, and refused to cry to admit her fragility. She wanted to laugh at herself, but made her beautiful self laugh out loud for the first time, ugly, haggard, ugly, and cute. "I'm not only a little brat, but also a psychological distorted little brat, I always pretend to hate you, but now I naively say I love you, but now I tell you, I'm not sick! The sick world is this world! Dad and mom are just the reason why I can't like you and can't love you?! If I change the reason...If I change the reason...If I change the reason...If I change the reason...If I change the reason...If I change the reason...If I change the other...If I change the other...If I change the other...When I change the..."

Chu Yuan sobbed so hard that she couldn't breathe. She was so suffocated that she couldn't even say the next word. The back of my hand was inserted into her. With a "Wow--" Chu Yuan cried, but she still cried, crying hysterically.

She threw herself into my arms and pressed her left hand against her heart, as if she wanted me to feel the tearing pain there. The blood on the back of my hand seemed to flow out of her heart...

She pounded my shoulder with her weak right hand, "Why? Why? Why is this wrong? Why is this wrong? Why can't this be together forever? Why can't I be with you and I be together forever? Why am I the closest person to you, but I can only watch others snatch you away? Why is it unreasonable for me just to stay by your side? Unfair! This world is too unfair to me! Let me meet you, but let me be your sister!"

Every word and every word of Chu Yuan hit my heart. I couldn't answer her "why". Even if it was any "why", I couldn't explain the feeling in my heart. Apart from the hint of relief at this moment - Chu Yuan finally cried, and finally no longer had to suppress the secrets in her heart, let it destroy her not strong self.

Just now, I was very scared, afraid that Chu Yuan, who refused to cry, would faint in one breath. At that moment, there was only despair on her face and in her eyes, without even a trace of vitality...

I don't know if she was afraid of "loss" at that moment, but I'm sure I'm afraid, afraid of her despair, afraid of what I'll lose...

What will I lose? God knows, but when this girl threw herself into my arms and cried loudly, when she still did not let go of our hands, when I followed the agreement, nor let go of her hands, when I hugged her and stroked her head as usual, I felt that I would not lose...

Life is like a note, with the happiness I hope to write in the limited number of pages...

However, the appearance of someone and the disappearance of someone tear off all blank pages that have not yet been drawn...

From then on, happiness has nowhere to be written...

From then on, longing and waiting for disillusionment...

Yes, if there is no Chu Yuan’s happiness in my life, then how should I describe happiness in my blank page?

Maybe I have never longed for it, so I don’t know what disillusionment is, but if happiness has no place to be written, the result will definitely be disillusionment.

If the appearance of disillusionment will make Chu Yuan's happiness disappear from my notes, then...

Go + his + mom + disillusionment!

Sitting in the last row of seats on the last bus, Chu Yuan, who was already tired of crying, was still sobbing, hugging my arm tightly, afraid that I would slip away quickly like water droplets on the car window if I was not careful...

There is no doubt that we became the focus again. The few passengers in the car were secretly looking back and observing us. In those pairs of eyes, there were only ambiguity, but also ambiguity...

Two men and women were soaked all over - a crying girl, a calm young man, holding each other's hands tightly and snuggling together silently. The girl was so delicate and beautiful... Well, if I saw this scene, I wouldn't help but be curious, and I would take it for granted that they were people with stories...

Along the way, Chu Yuan didn't say anything anymore. I knew that she needed to calm her mood, and I also needed to reorganize my thoughts.

The hardest person to face is always myself. I thought that I was an alternative person who could talk to myself from an objective standpoint, and the final choice to talk to Chu Yuan also proved that I could do this - I had the same psychological problems as Chu Yuan, so if I could not objectively look at myself, I would not admit this, and then I was subjectively conscious, just like in the past, blindly chose to escape and deceive myself, just to avoid those strange eyes and the heavy weight of ethical shackles...

But now, Chu Yuan's questioning and tears have made me fall into a chaos. I can't tell whether I am still objective-I don't have the courage to hurt myself, but I don't have the courage to hurt Chu Yuan...

Chu Yuan didn't say what she wanted to get, she just said what she was afraid of losing, and I...

Feelings are still an unsolvable problem for me, and the only thing I know is that I cannot convince myself to give Chu Yuan any harm. Even though I clearly know that the relationship between my brother and sister is not tolerated by this society, but... I, who is still confused about the emotional problems, have become an existence that is not tolerated by this society?

I don’t know if I am using my contempt for this society to hypnotize the objective self to obey the subjective consciousness, but I am sure that like Chu Yuan, I also have my own bottom line, and we don’t allow ourselves to cross our bottom line.
Chapter completed!