I have been a child who lacked attention since I was a child."

Han Lie's voice is very deep, and it naturally reveals strong loneliness. The method is very simple - lower the throat, use the chest cavity to resonate, add a little bubbles, and what comes out is a grainy bass.

Then pay attention to your expression, lower your head at 20 degrees, droop your eyelids to look for your toes, purse your lips slightly, and don't make any small movements with your hands when speaking, to give you a solid atmosphere.

OK, ready, let’s start performing now!

Gou Lie's atmosphere was created so well that Chen Yanfei couldn't help but pay attention and listen attentively.

"Other children get candy when they cry and make trouble, so they cry and make trouble all the time, but it's useless no matter how much I cry - the conditions at home are too bad.

Moreover, my father has a very dull personality and seldom cares about me. My mother is busy all day long and is full of anxiety. If I interfere with her work, I will definitely scold her impatiently.

So when I was very young, I began to envy those children who were paid attention to. Originally, I thought that when I grew older, the situation would get better.

Unfortunately, no.

I still can't make friends, I can't get care, I can't find the meaning of existence - actually I'm not stupid, you know? I liked to read all kinds of leisure books when I was very young, and I read quite a lot.

But what I long for is never praised in books.

They praise the greatness born from loneliness and pain, and advise people to adapt to loneliness and enjoy loneliness, but they forget that most ordinary people can only suffer in loneliness and never produce anything worthy of praise.

I used to firmly believe that I should look inward for peace, but it wasn’t until Pan Shaohang’s beating that I finally understood a truth—

Only the strong are qualified to talk about benevolence, morality, kindness, detachment, and tranquility.

All the friendliness that a weak person releases to the outside world is because he can only do so, rather than because he wants to do so from the bottom of his heart.

I wanted to fight back at that time, but I couldn't. Can you really understand that helplessness?

I didn’t want to let it go gently later, but what could I do if I didn’t let it go at that time?

At that moment, I made up my mind - I wanted to break through the shell that bound me, I wanted to be a strong person, I wanted to face my inner desires, respond to the world's blows, and be a willful person.

Then, I began to achieve little by little success, and at the same time, I naturally began to admit that I just like the feeling of being surrounded by others, being noticed, and supported by others.

You ask me how I view feelings. It's very simple. My need for feelings is very superficial and very greedy - I like the emotional value you provide me. It makes me feel alive, rather than a cold and cold person who only calculates probabilities.

machine.

I know you might be disappointed with me, but the thing is

At my age and at this stage, I can only give priority to satisfying the impulse that is always surging deep in my heart.

You know, village flower?

Actually you shouldn't ask this question."

Actor Lie shook his head, his eyes disappointed and sad.

"You ask a child who has never felt love what love is. I would like to try my best to give you an answer you like, but I'm sorry, I can't.

Because I always doubt: Will anyone really love the person I was?

But, I can tell you what you are in my heart. You are a beam of light.

When I was at my most humble and confused, your bright smile, hearty greeting, and approachable attitude illuminated my dark world.

You may not have any impression, but I will always remember——

In the first semester of my freshman year in high school, I was bullied by my classmates and had to clean for them.

You passed me by, and I was angry and moved a lot. I accidentally stuffed the mop under your feet, and the dirty water stained the sides of your shoes.

That's a very beautiful pair of white Nikes.

when

I was very frightened and felt as if the sky was falling.

As a result, you smiled brightly and said to me: I'm sorry, it's my fault, I didn't notice you cleaning. Hey, can you lend me that dry rag?

I was dumbfounded and felt like I was seeing an angel.

At that time, my mind went blank, and I had no memory of whether I had spoken, apologized to you, or said anything else.

After returning home, I lay on the bed and tried to remember, but there was only a vague smile and neat white teeth left in my mind.

Who are you?

I didn't dare ask anyone and just started searching for you in the crowd.

Later, I remembered your name, your birthday, your preferences, and even your aspirations and decided to go to SISU Humanities.

You can never imagine the ecstasy in my heart when I found you sitting opposite me on the train.

Now you ask me, what do I think of you.

I don’t know what other people’s secret love looks like. Anyway, to me, you are a symbol, a sign, and a special existence.

So special that I dare not touch it.

What I fear the most is that when we are really together, I suddenly realize that you are actually completely different from what I imagined you to be.

So don’t blame me for being indifferent, I’m just not ready yet. What about you?

Are you really sure that you are ready?" Chen Yanfei was confused by the question.

Am I ready? Uh, I don't know.

In fact, there is nothing that young people need to prepare for when they fall in love. They can just be together if they like it. However, Chen Yanfei was fooled by a doggy man and her mood was agitated. She subconsciously began to follow his guidance and began to doubt herself.

Gou Lie's operation was really too lethal for a young girl.

Moreover, Chen Yanfei has a very good memory and almost instantly recalled the scene described by Han Lie.

"Oh it's you!"

She looked suddenly enlightened and very excited: "I remember! You were so dejected at that time, as if you were going to smash the marble floor with a mop. In fact, I had already hidden away, but I didn't expect to be touched by you.

"

Yo? You actually remember?

Han Lie was surprised. In fact, that scene was the most real touching point in his heart, but the "various memories" that followed were all nonsense.

Including signing up to study humanities abroad. In fact, there is no other good school that he can attend. Humanities is at least in Shanghai, which can broaden his horizons.

However, Chen Yanfei believed the preamble and naturally accepted all the lies behind it.

"I really didn't expect that"

She hesitated to speak, and suddenly didn't know how to continue. Thinking about it this way, Han Lie was actually really pitiful.

A child who has lacked love and attention since childhood is beaten to a black and blue face in front of the girl he likes the most. How desperate must that be?

Later, he darkened and became extreme. He kept having sex under the influence of compensatory psychology. It is really understandable.

Chen Yanfei convinced herself naturally.

Men have a problem, that is, they like to persuade women who have fallen into trouble to turn back. Women also have a problem, that is, they like to influence scumbag men.

As long as you give them a suitable reason and tell them: I am not like this originally and I have my own reasons, they will passionately devote themselves to the great cause of saving the scumbag.

This piece of shit Han Lie is absolutely amazing.

"Okay, let's put the problem aside for now. I need to think about it carefully. I believe you also need time to recognize yourself now."

Chen Yanfei is a smart girl. She will not be eager to prove a result like many love-minded girls.

But she is also a young girl. Once she is touched, it is difficult not to feel pity for the suffering child Han Lie.

So, in order to avoid hurting Han Lie further, she took the initiative to change the topic. "By the way, your colleagues

Where is the society located?”

"I don't know." Han Lie shook his head and smiled bitterly, "I don't plan to go. You know, during the three years of high school, the so-called friendship between classmates didn't leave me any good memories.

This piece of shit is addicted to acting, half-truth, half-falseness, all routine. Chen Yanfei nodded in understanding.

"I know. But if you plan to stand in front of those who looked down on you and bullied you back then, I support it. Heart disease needs heart medicine. If you want to feel relieved, the best way is to see their faces now.

"

Good guy, you are so proactive in coming up with ideas, are you really planning to save me? Gou Lie thought it was so interesting, so he made a thoughtful gesture.

Seeing this, Chen Yanfei added: "If you need my help, tell me the time and place later, and I will be willing to accompany you."

It's not necessary. I really don't want to go and I can't do it.

With this thought in his mind, Han Lie said, "Okay, then I'll see if the time can match up. If so, I won't be polite to you!"

"That's right!"

Chen Yanfei grinned so brightly that her eyes dazzled.

Next, the atmosphere became more harmonious. Chen Yanfei tried her best to avoid irritating Han Lie and talked about everything in college.

After eating enough strawberries, the two of them simply did not go back to the courtyard and headed to the city instead, where they had a simple meal of grilled fish and then watched a movie.

Overall, it was a very pleasant chat.

After close contact, Han Lie discovered that Chen Yanfei was a more attractive girl than expected.
To be continued...